Wizard Swears


Harry: Guys, Professor Dumbledore posted a list of words that are banded from Hogwarts. I didn't know that wizards had swears.

Hermione: Of course they do Harry. They're called "Wizard Swears".

Ron: Ooh, like cauldron bum.

Harry: Really? That's adorable.

Hermione: Oh, they're worse than that. Read some Harry.

Harry: Let's see here. Son of a Banshee. That's useful.

Hermione: Swish and Flicker. That's my favorite.

Snape: Ahem. Do my ears detect foul mouthedness?

Hermione: Oh no, Professor Sna-

Harry: Voldemort's Nipple!

Snape: Excuse me?!

Hermione: Harry!

Snape: I refuse to have this filth spilled in my presence, Mr. Potter. 500,000 points from Gryffindor.

Ron: Dragon Boogeys!

Harry: Everybody run! Expecto Patronans!

Snape: *sigh* Rabble rousers.

Harry: That was fun. Oh. Hi Neville.

Neville: Hello Harry, Hermione, Ronald. What's up guys?

Ron: We're saying magical naughty words like Jiggery Pokery.

Neville: *gasp* My granmother forbids me from using wraunchy language.

Harry: Well your grandmother is a Blast Ended Skank.

Neville: *gasp*

Hermione: He doesn't mean it Neville. He's just testing out some wizard swears.

Harry: I mean every word I ever say ever because I'm Harry Potter.

Neville: I'm telling Professor Dumbledore.

Ron: You're such a Broomhead.

Neville: This is against the rules.

Harry: I can't let you do this Neville.

Neville: Oh no! No! I don't want to swear! My grndmother doesn't want me to swear.

Harry: Are you a Gryffindor or not Neville?

Neville: I am a Gryffindor but… but…

Harry: Try it then. Here's the list. Say anything.

Hermione: You can do it Neville.

Neville: Hargid's Butt Crack.

Ron and Hermione: Yay!

Harry: You sicken me.

Neville: But it's on the list.

Harry: Hagrid is ten times the man you'll ever be Neville. Leave Hogwarts Neville Longbottom. Never come back.

Ron and Hermione: Yay!

Hermione: You're quite the hailian today, Harry.

Ron: Yeah. You rife with boilish attitude.

Harry: Hey let's do a prank call.

Voldemort: Dark Arts. Voldemort speaking.

Harry: Leperchaun Taint!

Voldemort: What? You kids! If I ever find out who's calling me I will call the wizard school and you will go to wizard jail and I'll kill you because I'm Voldemort…

Snape: There they are.

Voldemort: So stop calling.

Dumbledore: Professor Snape would like to have a word with you children.

Hermione: Oh Unicorn Turds.

Snape: That is exactly the sort of vulgarity that I want to eradicate from the distinguished halls of Hogwarts. The traditions of the school must be upheld and respected. The founders surely would...

Harry: Muggle****ing Troll**** Snape!

Snape: WHAT!?

Harry: You Flobby Wanded Dementor Boggerer!

Ron: Dobby's Sock.

Snape: Dumbledore, I urge you to expel these monsters.

Dumbledore: Oh Snape, Let them have their flapdoodle.

Snape: But you're the one who banned the words in the first place.

Dumbledore: I don't even remember five minutes ago. Back to your skulking.

Hermione: Thank you so much Dumbledore.

Dumbledore: Alas! Your welcome.

Harry: Dumbledore. You're obsecenly old, right?

Dumbledore: Why yes.

Harry: Do you know any super ancient, lost to the ages, arcaic, olden times wizard swears?

Dumbledore: Ah, well, there is one.

Ron: I want to hear it!!!

Dumbledore: The Elder swear. You must never repeat it to anyone.

Hermione: We won't Professor.

Dumbledore: Here it is. Your Mother is a *****ing******Laura Mimsum******** Adminvenium**************Tragollaw*******Hippopautamus************* Rebublican**************** and Daniel Ratcliffe***************** With a Bucket of**************** And a Castle Far Away Where No One Can Here You **********************Soup************ With a Bucket of************** Mickey Mouse************* and A Stick of Dynamite*******Magical*********** Alakazam!!!!!!!!!!

Ron: Wow.

Dumbledore: Now you know. You must never ever repeat it, okay?

Harry: We promise sir.

Later...

Harry, Ron and Hermione: Your Mother is a *****ing******Laura Mimsum********Adminvenium**************Tragollaw*******Hippopautamus*************  


The End.